My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
