I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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