Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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