omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
