I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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