im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
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he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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