My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
