college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize