how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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