I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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