Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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