first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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