Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
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It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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