K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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