Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
