in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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