Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
