Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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