i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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