it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
