i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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