Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
