I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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