the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
