oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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