So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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