when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
