That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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