I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
