I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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