I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
