So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We had sex on a dog bed..
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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