I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
