Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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