My room smells like vodka and shame
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You left your phone here
Wait...
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