I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.