Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
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It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.