Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.