i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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