I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
