im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
