i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
