those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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