he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
