Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
