dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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