Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I will die if light touches me.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize