At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
