Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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