You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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