i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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