Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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