You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
