I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
