Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
