lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
