can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
