Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
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... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize