nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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