The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
