My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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