she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
