Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
