he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
