New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
