My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
