you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize