My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize